Have you ever awakened in the middle of the night with the scary thought – “This is not the life I am supposed to be living.” You try to shrug it off as a nightmare or fitful sleep but the thought lingers and it haunts you – because you know it’s true. There’s no escaping or denying it any longer. You know deep down inside that you are not living your one true life.

And for some of us, it’s not a new thought. We have had an inner call to live our life differently for a long time. Maybe we’re not having the daily lifestyle we want – a lifestyle that includes exercise, fresh air, good eating patterns and choices, or turning off that TV and getting a full night’s sleep. For some of us, we’re not being in our relationships the way we want. Or we are not doing work that inspires or motivates us. Maybe you aren’t financially responsible or maybe you aren’t intellectually and creatively stimulated. Most of us feel we are not living like the spiritual beings that we are. Imagine what your life would look and feel like if you were consistently living the spiritual qualities of gratitude and appreciation, acceptance of self and others, loving kindness and generosity?

Bottom line is that we all just want to be happy. While some of us are confused and unsure about what it takes to truly bring us peace and well-being (and we need to figure it out), most of us really already know. But we don’t do it. We know we need to make changes and we want to change. However, we don’t. Days go by. Weeks go by, and in some cases, years go by and we don’t make the desired shifts. Then we wake up one day (or in the middle for the night) and we wonder, “How in the world did I get here?” But by this time we feel so knee deep into the habits and patterns that change feels impossible and overwhelming. So we just keep on. We don’t know what to do.

As a personal life coach, my mission is to empower people to design and live the life they are meant to be living. I help people to understand themselves better, to have more clarity about who they are and what they want, and to figure out what works for them – and what doesn’t.
Consider the Possibilities is a life design model that I developed initially for my life. The old adage “Physician, heal thyself,” or the idea that “we teach what we need to learn” applies to me professionally and personally (and I bet it does for you, too).

On the surface I looked pretty good, but underneath there was chaos and fear and anxiety and insecurity. There was no purpose, mission, or commitment and there was certainly no plan. For the most part, I was going from thing to thing every day. I was living life by default – not by choice. Thus, my life was out of balance and I absolutely was not living the life of my dreams. So I started a personal journey which was my own search for the life I was meant to be living.

The first step was to figure out what the life of my dreams would look like. For this, I needed clarity about who I was – really – and what I really wanted. Most of us for a long time have been living according to other’s expectations or what we think we should be. We have lost touch (or either never knew) who we are. So designing your life starts with asking the powerful questions of what you want your life to look like and be about.

Designing your life also requires basic tools for building an authentic life. Personal life coach, Ti Caine, says life design is

“It’s like building a house.
You start by creating a blueprint,
only then do you begin building.
You don’t just decide to build a house, run to Home Depot,
buy whatever materials or on hand or are on sale
and start building.
Unfortunately, that’s how most people build their lives.”

I never thought I would, but I loved designing our new home with my husband. I loved having to ask myself questions like, “What kind of house do we want?, How much money do we want to invest?, How much space do we need for what purposes?” and on and on. By asking and answering these introspective, yet functional questions we then made our important decisions, purchases, and investments.

The same is true for designing a life. Before making important decisions and investments of our time and energy, we are well advised to stop and take time to ask ourselves similar powerful questions. Questions about what kind of life do we want? “Who are we, what’s our mission, what we want to do, or what we are willing to do?” What’s your blueprint? What’s your foundation? The basis of a good foundation is self-knowledge – knowing who you are and what you want. Then from this basic, foundational information, we design a plan, a vision for our lives.

A beautiful new home always starts out as a vision. You can see it in your mind’s eye. You imagine it in all of its detail, in all of the seasons, in all of the rooms. You ponder and let yourself plan for this huge part of your life. You think about it in terms of “Am I going to like this? Am I going to be happy living here?” And you plan accordingly.

In designing a life, you do the same thing. You have dreams, desires, a blueprint and a plan. Designing a life means that we know what materials, environment, skills, attitudes, beliefs, and support systems we need to have the life of our dreams. And just like a house is built from the inside out so is designing your life.

In the process of stopping and sorting out my own life, I developed a life design model that ultimately helped me, and hopefully, will help others to find the life they are meant to be living. In this ongoing column on life design, each month we will look at some important things to consider, learn and implement into our lives. We will talk about the power of having visions. We will talk about the value of having a life purpose statement and a personal philosophy. We will talk about how to activate your personal power.

But, first of all and most importantly, you must believe. Life by Design requires that you believe that you have the ability to create your life experience. You must believe that you have the personal power and the authority to design your own life. You must believe that you are a co-creator in your life and not just at the whim of the universe. Do you believe? This is the most important question because what you believe will be, for the most part, what you get. Stop for a moment and genuinely ask yourself if you believe.
Now, just for a moment, let yourself imagine. Just for a moment – consider the possibilities. Consider the possibility that you could have the life of your dreams. Imagine yourself living an emotionally expressive, wonderful life. Imagine your ideal loving relationship(s). What is your dream physical and health state? Describe your creative, intellectual, and emotional self. How do you see yourself career-wise and financially. Describe your inner and outer spiritual life in the next three to five years. Can you feel yourself beginning to dream again?

Manifestation is the art of bringing dreams into reality. Life by Design is about becoming a master manifestor – about becoming a conscious and active participant in designing your life. What is the master design and plan for your life? And do you believe that you can have it? Remember the words of Yogi Berra, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up someplace else.” The same is true for fulfilling the life of your dreams. If you don’t have a design, you’ll probably end up someplace else. Successful, happy, fulfilled people know who they really are and what they want…and they believe that it is possible.

George Elliot says, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
I say, “It’s never too late to be who you really are.”

Next month we will talk about figuring out “who you really are.”

Dr. Kathy Murphy, President of Retreats by Design ), is a teacher, facilitator, professional counselor and personal life coach. In addition to providing life coaching services to individuals where she helps them to ask and answer the powerful questions in their lives, she also conducts a workshop/retreat entitled “Consider the Possibilities: Design the Life of Your Dreams & Find the Courage to Live It