No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.

– William Blake

I woke up this morning  frustrated with my dreams.  Not the dreams of my REM sleep cycle but the dreams I chase in the daylight hours. I think we’re all frustrated at times because we just can’t seem to figure this business of living the life of your dreams.  What the heck does that even mean?  And why isn’t it working any better for us?  I’ve got some ideas about all of this and, ultimately, some suggestions on how  to increase the possibility and the probability of our dreams coming true!

Let’s start at the beginning.

We’ve been raised to believe that we can have whatever we can dream of. We’ve all been promised that “Dreams do come true” and that “Everything is possible.” We’ve romanticized the idea until it’s simply become the stuff of fairy tales, magic and platitudes.  Let’s blame it on Walt Disney.

Or we could blame it on our parents.  Even before we’re born, parents dream of all the grand possibilities for a child they haven’t even met yet.  Then the dreams of the parents become imposed on their unsuspecting, innocent children.  Imagine the problem if the parents’ dream is that their yet-to-be-born child be a NBA star, yet he only grows to be 5’6. Or worse yet, he is a she.

The problem here is not that the child is short or that the child is a girl. We’ve seen many, many examples of improbable possibilities becoming possible.  Short men do play professional basketball and women become many, many things that others had never even dreamed of before.

And the problem is not Walt Disney.  Because, after all, many times the wildest dreams do come true.  I know lots of stories and so do you. Some of the stories are even mine.  The question is why is it that some dreams come true and some don’t?

The real problem.

I’ve concluded that the breakdown occurs when we are chasing someone else’s dream for us, or a dream the world might have set for you…or the dream of our unchecked egos.  Do I want to be a successful speaker because it is my gift to the world or because I want to make a lot of money or get a lot of attention?  Do you want to write the world’s most uplifting and inspiring book to fulfill your inborn destiny or to make your ancestor’s proud?   Is your dream a heart song or a competition?

My guess is that many of our dreams go unfulfilled because we are chasing the wrong rabbit. Then we become disillusioned, frustrated, and  give up.  We even quit dreaming and this is heart breaking.

The solution.

1.  In spite of all the frustration, you must believe.  And yes, like Walt Disney, you must believe in the magic of fairy dust to save Tinker Bell.  I do believe that dreams come true.    I believe in the possibility of becoming all of who we are designed to be.

2. I believe that we each have a birthright, a potential, a uniquely encoded creative and spiritual DNA.   I believe that if you are in alignment with that, then your dreams are possible and that they can be the biggest most outrageous dreams ever.  Trust me, if it is encoded on your DNA that you are to be a the world’s first short female NBA star…so it is. It is written.

 3.  Our task is to discern which of our dreams are the dreams of our destiny, our birthright, our deepest heart’s longings?  And this isn’t easy business. Some days I think I know and some days I don’t have a clue.  Dreams are often veiled and not clear.

4.  No one else can tell you your dreams.  With all the help out there, you still have to figure it out yourself. Joseph Campbell said “Follow your bliss.”  My client Annalisa said, “Which one?  I have too many.” You have to learn to hear your own inner voice, to pick up your own clues and insights, to follow your own hero’s journey.  You can’t pay  someone to  tell you or to do it for you.

 5.  You have to be willing to go with the flow. Dreams change.  Our dreams and our passions tend to unfold and reveal themselves over time. Like when the once upon a time dream to be a teacher evolved into the dream to be a speaker and an author.

 6.  Dreams need to be nurtured.

After all my professional and personal work, I still forget.  Do you?   I am still amazed at how I can  completely lose my focus.  I forget my dreams.  I forget to dream. My job in life is to help people remember.

Frustration #5.  Dreams  can be a nuisance.

Sometimes we think we just want to left alone.  We want to sit on the couch, watch TV or read, and let the time slip on by.  But our dreams won’t let us.  Mine keeps calling my name.  I actually dream about it in my sleeping hours.  It won’t leave me alone even when I wish it would.

Frustration #6.  Sometimes dreams flow easily and sometimes they don’t.

Then again we have to decide if it’s still the right dream or has it changed up on us.  It’s also like childbirth, we have to figure out if it’s time to push or when to let it unfold .  By nature, I am a pusher and so therefore it’s hard to wait on a dream.

Frustration #7.  For life design dreaming, you have to have one foot on the earth and one foot in the heavens.

Frustration #8.  People will try to steal your dreams.

I don’t know why it is but some people (often relatives) will try to bring both of your feet back to the earth.  Be careful who you share your dreams with.  Trust them with people who won’t try to take your dreams away from you.

So, if this dreaming business is so tricky and so frustrating, why are still such hopeless dreamers and believers. I’ll tell you why I think we continue to pursue dreams.  Besides the obvious, that our dreams make us feel good.  They inspire and quide us. Following your heart’s callings is truly a hero’s journey that is fraught with paradoxes, confusion, and frustration.

I also think we do it because we can’t not do it.  We do it because it is our natural organic process and our birthright.  We are designed and programmed to seek out our destinies, our true natures, our own unique paths.  This inborn mechanism requires us to push ourselves… to grow.

I am following a big dream now.  It’s a big one and it’s difficult and it’s complicated and it is taking forever and is extremely frustrating at times.   I’ve tried to quit.  I unofficially retired for a few years. Yet the dream pulled me back. I continue to follow my dreams because I won’t be at peace if I don’t.

How about you?  What dream is pulling you along right now?  What dream can you not ignore, even though it may be frustrating as hell?